Yesterday was a hard day.
What started off as a normal Monday, where the girls and I loaded up in the car and drove to Montgomery to spend the night for speech appointments, was changed because my precious husband needed to go to the doctor. He went in early because he thought he had pleurisy, but he felt he would be in and out and would be back home before we hit the road. We were texting as I was loading up, and something in my gut told me I didn’t need to go, but he told me I did, so I got everything ready, and off we went.
As I was getting gas, he called, but I wasn’t where I could answer. I tried calling as soon as I got in the truck, but then he didn’t answer. I was about 10 minutes down the road when he was able to call me. He had to go in for a CT scan because they saw a spot on his lung that concerned them. That was it; I was turning around. I called and cancelled appointments and made a beeline for the hospital where he was.
The girls and I rushed in and found him. We waited for what seemed like an eternity before they took him back for the scan. Then the wait for the results was even longer. By this time, everyone in town knew that he was having some tests done for chest pain, and texts were coming in and prayers were going up. One of our friends and local pastors stepped in to check on us right before the doctor came in to give us the news.
We found two spots on your lungs that “look like” cancer.
Braxton looked to me. I was sitting with the girls, snuggled up to me. His eyes widened, and I knew that was the last thing on his mind. Not the words we wanted to hear. Not the gut punch we were expecting. But here we are with something that “looks like” something we don’t want.
I had to make phone calls that I didn’t want to make. I had to answer questions I didn’t know how to answer. And now I need to find the strength that I don’t know how to find.
But what I do know. It may “look like” one thing, but it can very well BE something else.
What I do know is that MY GOD is powerful. MY GOD is a healer. MY GOD is bigger than any of this, and He knew that we were going to hear those words yesterday. He also knew that he had moved us to a town a few years ago that would totally surround us in prayer the moment those words were uttered.
We are now on day two of what it “looks like,” and I made a decision. I had a phone call yesterday that told me I was allowed to break down and spiral for 24-48 hours, and then after that, I had to get up and fight. It hasn’t quite been 24 hours, but I am coming up off the floor with my gloves on. I am working on damming up the tears. My girls need to see us strong and not afraid. My husband needs to see his wife not crumbling every time she looks at him. My son needs to hear the strength in my voice and not a quiver when I talk to him. I need to breathe in deep the word of God so that it will sustain me in this process.
The names of God have been a love of mine for many years now. When I first met Braxton, he and I decided to do a names of God study, and I got us both a Names of God Bible to use. It is so rewarding to see God’s name and how it is used in scripture. I have been praying for Jehovah Rapha (the God who heals) to reach down from heaven and just touch Braxton’s lungs. Right now, he is in pain and can’t take a deep breath.
This morning I got up early, and as I prayed some more, I opened my Bible to Exodus 15. In verse 26, it says, “He said, ‘If you will listen carefully to Yahweh your Elohim and do what he considers right, if you pay attention to his commands and obey all his law, I will never make you suffer any of the diseases I made the Egyptians suffer, because I am Yahweh Ropheka.”
Yahweh Ropheka (ro-FEH-ka). The Lord Who Heals. Another name of healing in scripture. My God is the God who heals. My God is Yahweh Ropheka.
The Psalms have always been a comfort to me and have taught me how to process my emotions in prayer to God. David, who wrote the Psalms, was considered a friend of God. (God’s words, not mine). And David yelled at God in anger. I have heard so many times over the years that you can’t be angry at God. Why not? David was!
I turned to Psalms for encouragement, and Psalms 142 is where I landed. The name of God used is Yahweh, but for my prayer, I am changing it this morning.
“Loudly, I cry to Yahweh Ropheka. Loudly, I plead with Jehovah Rapha for mercy. I pour out my complaints in his presence and tell him my troubles. When I begin to lose hope, you already know what I am experiencing.
Pay attention to my cry for help because I am very weak. Rescue me. Release me. I will praise you and give thanks to your name.
Righteous people will surround me because you are good to me.” (heavily paraphrased)
Pray for healing. Pray for strength. Pray for wisdom. Pray for the right doctors. Pray for Braxton. Pray for our family.
Just pray. Storm the doors of God’s throne room and usher us into his presence.
