How do you act differently when you know you are loved?
This is the great pondering of the early morning hours today. Think about it. When we were younger and attempting to catch the eye of that cute boy in school, we would dress up, do our hair and make-up, stare, and do anything to get his attention. But what about when we were older and starting to look for a mate?
We would dress up, do our hair and make-up, stare, do anything to get his attention…right?
Fun fact about Amy. I didn’t date much in school. Ok, I didn’t date in school. I don’t know if I wasn’t pretty enough to catch any guys’ eyes, if it was because I was shy and no one wanted to take the effort to get to know me, or if it was because my dad was a teacher at school and no one wanted to get on Mr. T’s bad side. Whatever the reason, no one asked me out on a date. Did that have an effect on my self-confidence? ABSOLUTELY! But we aren’t going to unpack that baggage today; we’re just gonna tuck it in the back of the attic under the dust bunnies to live for another decade or so.
Ahem. Moving on….When I was ready to start to try and date again after my world turned upside down, I wondered, “Where do I even meet anyone these days?” The guys at church were all married, and the ones that weren’t were either way too young or way too old for me. Bars were not an option. And the guys I met at the gym were, well, not husband material.
So I did what any reasonable woman in her late thirties with a child would do and turned to online dating. Yes, I typed that sentence and see the horror of my rationalization, but bear with me. It wasn’t all bad. I started with a Christian dating service. I found out REAL quick that not all men on there were, in fact, Christian. Like, not even a little bit.
So I did some praying and decided to try one that was a “proven success.” I signed up for a short membership just to see. I developed my own questions that I would ask to see if they were even worth my time.
Now, at this point in my life, I had come out of a very hurtful relationship, I was coming out of a pit, and I was really learning about who God was and really started having a relationship with him. He was no longer the storybook God but the real, tangible God that I was talking to and with every day. It was important to me that the person I was going to date knew who God was as well and wasn’t just a pew sitter on Sunday morning. (Little did I know what I was getting into.)
I had my list:
- Needs to be taller than me. (I’m tallish; I really wanted someone whom I could physically look up to. It’s a me thing.)
- Needs to be an Auburn fan. (It’s not that I am anti any other team, but I wanted someone I could watch games with and where we could pull for the same team.)
- Needs to be musical. (Okay, so I didn’t hold strong on this one; if you know my husband, then you know there’s not a musical bone in his body, but he makes up for it in other ways.)
- Needs to have a relationship with God. (This one was a hard and fast rule for me. If he didn’t know God, then he wasn’t going to get to know me. I was done with being unequally yoked in relationships, so I decided that this was the most important factor.)
So one November day, this guy that I had been matched with sends me a “wink.” In that platform, you could send a wink or send your list of questions that they had built in. So I responded with the app’s questions. It was a several-step process; if they answered and you liked their answers, then they could send questions…. I don’t remember it all; I just remember it was a few steps before we actually had the freedom to talk with one another. But when we did, I asked him what his favorite Bible verse was. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love John 3:16, but normally if someone tells you that, it’s because it’s the most well-known Bible verse.
What was this guy’s response? John 3:16. (Insert heavy sigh and a thought of, “Great, this one’s a dud.”)
So I asked why that was his favorite, and he actually had a response! It wasn’t “uhhh….. I don’t know.” No, he had an actual response. (And he has it tattooed on his arm.) Let’s just say the rest is history.
Now, I tell you all that to say, when you want to be loved, you act one way. When you KNOW you are loved, you act differently.
When you want to be loved, you act in a way to seek attention. You flirt. You possibly put yourself in situations that might not be the best to try to get the attention you think you want. You send winky faces. You go where the single people are. You get on online dating sites and give your mom gray hairs. You are insecure, you step out in stupidity, and you sometimes act foolishly.
When you KNOW you are loved, you are secure, you are confident, you step out in faith, you trust your partner, and you don’t have to be in constant competition. You are free to relax a little, maybe not hold your guard up as much; you rest in knowing that person is there with you and for you and that they will love you even when you make mistakes.
Song of Solomon/Songs (depending on your translation) 2:4 says, “He leads me to his banqueting table, his banner over me is love.”
His BANNER over me is LOVE.
If God’s banner is LOVE, and I find my identity, my rallying point, and my hope, then that means I am loved.
When you KNOW you are loved by God, you walk in confidence, in freedom, you take steps of faith; you trust that God is going to take care of you, and you relax a little because you know that God is going to LOVE you no matter what, even when you mess up, even when you fail, and even when you think the world is falling in on you. God’s LOVE is your banner. There is no shame, there is no condemnation, there is only love.
John 3:16 says, “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”
If that isn’t a testament of love, I don’t know what is. He gave his SON for us. That is real love.
You aren’t just tolerated. You aren’t a burden. You are chosen! Adopted! When you know you are loved, your worship isn’t a performance but a genuine outpouring of praise. Your posture changes from attention seeking to love giving. Your repentance becomes restoration instead of humiliation.
My sweet friend, you are so loved. I hope you know that God is inviting you to his banquet table. He has pulled out the fresh linen and the fine china and has the best chef on standby. He is waiting for you to come and allow him to show you just how much he loves you. Know you are loved by a God who sent his Son to die for you so that you can one day live with him.
Walk tall today. Hold your head up in confidence. Roll those shoulders back and shake off the shame. It has no place in your life. The one who loves you the most is the KING. There is no greater love than that.
Have a great day with Jesus!
